


Odium

by TaergaLive



Series: Baldur's Gate 3 one-shots [7]
Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28330686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaergaLive/pseuds/TaergaLive
Summary: “'If I had wanted your company, I would have asked for it.' The words were like ice. He doesn’t even face her.'I-I just...wanted to make sure if you were okay.'His head whips in her direction. 'Okay? Okay? There’s a worm in my head, I’m forced to keep company with the most idiotic of people, my old master keeps sending Gur after me...and you want to know if I’m okay?'”Fighting was bound to happen.
Relationships: Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Baldur's Gate 3 one-shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061618
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	Odium

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'm dissatisfied with the ending. But like...the reason I never finish anything is that I don't know how to finish it, so I'm just forcing myself to deal with it.

Being away from the fire makes reading much more difficult, but it wasn’t like Sephrin was actually reading. She wasn’t even trying to. The book was merely a shield, a barrier to keep people away. For extra measure, she sat a ways away from the fire and faced the other way. Squinting in the darkness makes her eyes sting even more. They felt so dry after all of her tears. 

This is her fault, she knows. Her punishment for ever thinking she could open up. Sitting by herself hurt worse than it ever had, having experienced what felt like acceptance. 

The last few days felt wonderful, almost like a dream. Just as promised, she found herself spending more time in Astarion’s arms. Strangely, at least to her, they hadn’t had sex ever since that initial night. The closest they got to something akin to sex was one night when it was raining. He snuck into her tent, and they spent the night pressed against each other half-naked. She didn’t mind. But she would have thought he would have been more demanding of her. 

Without ever talking about it, the two of them decided to keep it a secret, Sephrin for fear of judgment. She was convinced Astarion was ashamed to be seen being affectionate with someone like her. Yet as much as that pained her, her pain gave way to delight anytime they managed to sneak away from the group. Perhaps it was the thrill of secrecy that made her heart swell. 

She quickly learned to read Astarion’s expressions. When he’d give her a side glance and then a roll of the eyes, it usually meant “The current person who is speaking might lose all their blood if they don’t stop talking.” A side glance and a flash of his brows usually meant “Don’t think I didn’t notice what you just did/said.” A sultry smile after speaking with someone, usually Shadowheart, meant “You’re adorable when you’re jealous.” And a smirk with direct eye contact meant “Meet me in the woods before I kiss that pretty mouth of yours right here in front of everyone.” 

Most of the time when they found time alone, it was spent lost in each other’s arms, with wandering lips and hands. But they also talked. About their journey. About the others. About Sephrin. Astarion asked a lot of questions, nothing too invasive but about what she liked to do, what her aspirations were. She told him of her studies, how she enjoyed learning about the past, learning languages, cultures, magic, literature, anything that could be learned through reading. 

“Writing is a wonderful mode of communication,” she had said. “It allows you to interact with others without having to face them yourself.” 

If she could, she told him, she’d study for the rest of her life. She had no idea what sort of occupation to strive for. For the moment, she didn’t have to worry about making money. She could survive on the inheritance her father left her, and Glynren took over as her provider. But she didn’t want to burden Glynren for the rest of his life. Eventually, she knew, she would have to find a way to provide for herself. 

Sephrin knew better than to ask Astarion anything too personal. But even without asking, he vaguely told her of his time as a magistrate before he was turned. He seemed to delight in her surprise of being an executive of the law. 

“But knowing the law makes it easier to skirt around,” he told her with a smirk.

It led to him divulging how he was turned. About how Cazador had offered to “save” his life. But that was the extent he would speak of his old master. Though he tried to keep a nonchalant tone while telling the story, Sephrin could see the haunted look in his eyes. So she wouldn’t press. From what she could tell, though, this Cazador was a menace. 

When Astarion shot up from his bedroll the previous night gasping for breath, it took her by surprise. She had already been awake, having spent the night tossing and turning as quietly as she could so as to night wake the others. As Astarion sat up, she watched him from under her blanket, pretending to sleep. He could hardly catch his breath, a hand pressed first to his chest, then to his stomach as if checking for something. His eyes darted around the camp, and eventually, his breathing returned to normal. With a grunt, he hoisted himself off the bedroll and into the woods. Sephrin wanted a few minutes before getting up to follow.

He hadn’t gone far, sitting on a rock by the river. Standing a few feet back, she fiddled with her shirt, trying to figure out what to say. He beat her to it.

“If I had wanted your company, I would have asked for it.” The words were like ice. He doesn’t even face her. 

“I-I just...wanted to make sure if you were okay.”

His head whips in her direction. “Okay?  _ Okay? _ There’s a worm in my head, I’m forced to keep company with the most idiotic of people, my old master keeps sending Gur after me...and you want to know if I’m  _ okay _ ?” 

Normally, that sort of tone would make her retreat. But instead, it pressed her forward. “I-I...you seemed...upset.”

A bitter laugh. “Is that so? Oh, well, I  _ apologize _ , my dear, if my mood distresses you. I’ll try to be all smiles and rainbows from now on.”

She frowns. “Th-that’s n-not what I, that’s not…”

“Th-that’s not what” he mocked her. “Did you think following me would have magically made everything better? That I’d cry into your bosom and let you coddle me and tell me that everything is going to be  _ okay? _ ” 

Tears had started to well in her eyes. This just seemed to fuel his anger. “And now I’ve hurt your feelings, yes? Well, guess what,  _ darling _ . The  _ lover _ you so wisely chose is a  _ monster _ . I know you thought I’d sweep you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset, but that’s never going to happen. Do you understand? There is no happily ever after. So quit your sniveling. I don’t want to hear it.” With that, he turned back to the river. 

His words, his tone, hurt worse than any insult ever given to her, than any cut or bruise she ever received. So she turned on her heels and retreated. Not just to her bedroll but into herself. Come morning, she was meek and withdrawn once more. Unlike before, however, she kept away from even her brother. It wasn’t too hard to manage. Everyone seemed busy with their own things. Even now as they sit by the fire, everyone seems content to leave her alone. 

Well, they were. Until she feels someone sit near her. 

“Your brother tells me you used to study magic,” Gale announces as if they were in the middle of a conversation. 

Sephrin stays quiet for a moment. “I heard,” she mumbles. “Also heard you don’t care for ineptitude, so I don’t know why it matters to you.” 

She’s not sure where the malice in her voice came from, but it doesn’t seem to phase Gale. He chuckles. “Ah, yes. It’s true. I’ve had students before, but none of them were quite able to keep up. A shame really. But it was in their best interest that I relinquished their apprenticeship to me. In the end, they were only going to get hurt if they continued to try to keep up with my prowess.” 

“I didn’t ask,” comes her curt reply. 

Again, Gale chuckles. “No, I suppose you didn’t. But I needed to get you to start talking to me somehow, right?” Sephrin makes a show of not answering. He lets the silence linger over them a moment before continuing. “This is about Astarion, isn’t it.”

She flinches. How? How in the world did he…?

“I’m not blind,” he explains with a little shrug. “I’ve seen the way you two play eye tag with one another. That and Shadowheart mentioned you two snuck off together after the party.” 

She fights the urge to not smack the book against her face. How idiotic, to think that no one noticed. 

Gale straightens up. “The two of you have been avoiding each other like the plague all day, and you’ve both been in sour moods.” 

“Leave me alone,” she whispers, defeated. 

“Did that already,” he counters. “All day in fact. It didn’t seem to help. Now, it’s time to act.” He sighs. “Listen, Astarion can go on and pout all he wants. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. But you? You’re a good person, I can tell, and to see a good person hurting is not something that’s easy to ignore.” 

“You don’t know that.” She’s so quiet she doesn’t know if he hears her. 

Whether he does, he keeps going. “I don’t know what occurred between you two. It’s none of my business; I won’t pry. But whatever happened to cause this rift...well, maybe it was for the best.” 

For the best? Having her heart ripped out was for the best? What did he know about what was best for her? Stupid wizard with his stupid magic, thinking he knows everything. 

Gale studies her. “He has a certain charm about him, Astarion. I’ll grant you that. But then again, so does a tiger when it purrs. He says all the right words, but I’m not so sure he means the right things.”

“I’m not a child!” she shouts abruptly, gaining the attention of the others back by the fire. She quickly gets to her feet, Gale following suit. “I’m not a child. I don’t need a lecture. And certainly not from you.”

Glynren frowns, starting up to her. “Sephrin-”

She whips to him. “Don’t, Glyn, don’t. Just leave it.” 

“Sephrin, what’s goin-”

“Nothing,” she pleads, losing steam. “Just...please. Please stop. Just...trust me, for once.” 

Her brother looks at her in disbelief. “Sephrin, I...I trust you.” 

A snort from across the campfire. Glynren glares at Astarion, who’s been moodily watching the stars. Now, the vampire’s attention is on Glynren, watching him with malicious delight. 

Glynren grits his teeth. “Something amusing to you?”

Astarion gives him a nasty smile. “Hypocrisy is always good for a laugh.” 

“What are you talking about?” Glynren scowls. But Astarion doesn’t answer. Languidly, he gets up, stretching slightly before heading for the woods. “Where are you going?”

“To find something on four legs,” he waves the other elf off. 

Sephrin’s eyes snap to him. Her mind races. When was the last time Astarion fed? He hadn’t asked for blood from her since that initial night. And after all the fighting he’s been doing? She doesn’t know how long a vampire can go without blood, but she can’t imagine it’s been easy for him. 

Astarion disappears into the woods without another word. Using the interruption to her advantage, Sephrin sits back down and returns to her book. Gale looks to Glynren and holds up his hands as if to tell the elf to give the girl space. He follows his own advice, returning to his place by the fire. The older brother watches his sister for a moment longer before sighing and retreating. 

The night wanes on, and the seconds feel like hours. When she feels like enough time passes, she gently shuts her book and snatches up an empty bucket. Let them think she’s getting water. Let them think what they want. She doesn’t care. Not now. As she retreats into the forest, Gale watches her with pursed lips and a little shake of his head. 

She starts for the river so she can at least get the water. And the off chance that Astarion is there. But he’s not. She looks up and down the bank, but from what she can see, he’s not there. With a sigh, she scoops up some water and heads into another part of the woods. It’s stupid, she knows, to wander the woods alone, but at the moment, she wouldn’t mind some wild animal or bandit gutting her. 

A rabbit sits not far from her. She pauses, watching it watch her. She smiles softly. “You don’t have to be afraid of me, little rabbit. I won’t hurt you. I know you can’t understand me, but I wish you could.” 

“If you’re done talking to it, I’ll like to eat it.” The voice from behind her makes her jump. She twirls around, which makes the rabbit scurry off. 

“I, I didn’t know you were there,” she says. 

Astarion sighs, stepping out from the brush. “That’s because I didn’t want you to.” 

And yet he announced his presence. 

He gestures to the spot where the rabbit was. “And now it’s gone.” 

“Th-that’s why I’m here,” she explains. “I...you...we, we have a deal, don’t we?” When he doesn’t answer, she places the bucket down and brushes her hair to one side. 

Gradually, Astarion raises his brows. “I yelled at you, belittled you, and you...you’re still willing to let me drink from you?”

Biting her lip, she nods. 

“You’re an idiot,” he sighs in disbelief. But he doesn’t hesitate. Closing the gap between them, he wraps an arm around her waist and bites down on her neck. 

Just like before, it only hurts for a moment. Then she’s lost, her mind melting away. It feels like she’s drunk. It feels like she’s asleep. She doesn’t feel as weak as she did the last time, so she doesn’t stop him right away. So he drinks up, only letting up when he feels her going limp against him. Once he pulls away, he wraps his other arm around her to keep her upright. 

At some point, he finds himself combing his fingers through her hair. “Did you eat today?” She nods. “Good.” They stay like that for a while. Astarion feels himself getting stronger, his senses improving. Sephrin improves little by little as her heart replaces the missing blood. Even when she stops shaking, though, Astarion holds onto her. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. 

“For what?” he whispers back. 

“For upsetting you last night.” 

Unbelievable. He almost drops her but instead holds her tighter. He tries to chuckle. “I make you cry and  _ you _ apologize to  _ me? _ ” When he feels her shrug, he sighs and plants a kiss on the top of her head.

“The next time it happens,” she shifts to look up at him. “Then next time you’re upset, what, what should I do?” 

He looks down at her. Do? What should she do? What  _ can _ she do? But he bites his tongue. “Nothing. Do absolutely nothing. There’s nothing anyone can do.” 

Her face falls. “Oh.” 

“The reason I snapped at you,” he starts, gently pressing her head back against his chest. “Is that I got so  _ angry _ . I’ve spent years suffering under that  _ monster _ ’s cruelty. Centuries. And you know what? No help ever came. No gallant heroes storming the monster’s lair. No act of fate giving me an advantage. Nothing.

“There is no one coming to save you. If you want to make it out alive, you can only rely on yourself. Not your brother. Not me. Only you.” 

She holds him tight. As depressing as his words are, she understands where they come from. She has no idea of the pain he has suffered. She’s not going to pretend she’ll ever truly know.

“I can’t save you,” she whispers. “But I can certainly try.” 

“Don’t,” he says forcefully but without anger. He pulls hold her at arms’ length and stares at her. “ _ Don’t.  _ You save yourself over anyone else. _ ”  _

Sephrin starts to shake her head. “I,I can’t do th-”

“You  _ will _ . There is  _ no _ point in sacrificing yourself so another might live. Do you think it’ll make you feel better? Well, guess what. You’ll be dead, so you can’t even enjoy whatever perverse pleasure you get from helping others.”

At her very core, she knows he’s wrong. But she can’t explain it. And the last thing she wants to do is start another fight. For now, she just nods. She’s not sure if he’s convinced she agrees with him, but his shoulders sag. 

The two of them linger in the woods for some time, not speaking, not doing anything. They just stand next to each other, listening to the nocturnal wildlife surrounding them. Despite the conflict still hanging over Sephrin’s head, she feels relaxed. No thoughts running through her head, just the idea of being with Asarion in this moment. Is it he that makes her so calm? Or was it the bite? 

Eventually, they head for the camp together. Once they’re close enough, however, Astarion has Sephrin enter first, hanging back in the shadows. As she places the bucket of water next to the fire, she notes that Lae’zel has already turned in for the night, and Wyll is preparing to do the same. Her brother stands up, giving Sephrin a quizzical look, but she pretends she doesn’t notice as she starts to prepare herself for bed. She does, however, notice the look Gale gives her, a mixture of concern and disapproval. Subconsciously, she shakes her hair so it covers more of her neck. 

When Astarion returns, he heads straight for his bedroll, setting himself up for his meditation. As Sephrin lays her head down, she can’t help but glance over at him. He takes a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. Before he closes his eyes, however, he glances to her. It’s not an expression she’s used to, but the small smirk makes her think it means “If you think you’re getting sleep tonight, you’re sadly mistaken.” 


End file.
